ICYMI, Part II - Page 2

I was sitting in my studio dead scrolling through Bumble without much interest in the rolodex of potential matches. I couldn't shake the feeling that I was eventually looking at the possibility of gettng a temporal lobectomy. I kept envisioning myself with a caretaker, using a walker, wearing Depends... no more poetry readings, no more making mistakes; the notion I could return to the golden age of Albuquerque and restart my burgeoning career as an actor, was so far out of reach, that part of my life was over. My self worth was based on the lonely voice who answered back while I spoke with numerous foes in the sanctity of my apartment.

I was contemplating my initial questions for Makayla, when Renata messaged me after seeing I was active/online. We'd talked briefly over a number of days- she spoke Portugese, Spanish; I found her to be interesting and in possession of relatively good taste:

F: Nice. What concert?

Renata: "Cabaret Voltaire …"

F: Oh wow they've been around for a while.

R: "Yep. Like 40 years."

F: That's rad. How was it?

R: "Was excellent

Do you wanna meet…?"

***

I have focal seizures more often than tonic clonic episodes. During the blanket staring and drooling, I reflect on my self image and how it has evolved/will change. I'm fixated on the fact I have an orphanic temperament and people like my ex wife are the unfortunate hostages of my venting post seizure, while I tend to suppress this diatribe with strangers in hopes of gaining instant acceptance.  

***

F: Sure

When/where?

R: "Now? Anywhere close to your house? Where are you located?"

F: Im in cap hill

*on

R: "Bar run?

I’m in cap hill. Was correct. In the neighborhood."

F: Taking a break from drinking

R: "Do you live by yourself?"

F: I do

R: "Do you have guns?"

F: Lol no

R: "Why lol it’s pretty common here"

F: My dad was a Vietnam vet

So I grew up with an armory in my house

So I hate them

R: "Sorry to hear.

Cheesman park?"

F: I was going to buy some weed

Wanna meet and walk with me

R: "Sure where’s that?"

F: Gonna walk to Fired Dispensary off 6th and Clarkson

R: "Fired is really shitty"

F: Where do u go

R: "Higher grade"

F: Wanna go there instead?