for A.D. Winans
Neighborhood kids are really lighting it up tonight
The fireworks have turned into an hour-by-hour non-stop white noise
Our house cat ignores the buzz, crackle, and pop!
And demands more food
Clinging an inch closer to me, always
I got vertigo on the roof tonight while looking out at the waterfronts of
Oakland, Emeryville, Berkeley, and San Francisco putting on their firework shows
The flashing red aviation obstruction light from the top of Mount Tamalpais
Reminds me of the profound Etel Adnan and her paintings of the mountain
Now let me confess, I thought of jumping off the roof tonight
But realized that would hurt and leave a big mess for my wife to clean up
Earlier in the day we took the bus to Emeryville and ate at the Black Dear Diner
Where we each got the lunch special: Cheeseburger Basket w/ French Fries $12.99
Over the burgers I told my wife that my father and I went to the first Black Bear Diner
In Shasta where we also had a snowball fight while hiking up the slope of Mount Shasta
There was this dude that opened the Bible on Mount Shasta and let the wind blow the pages
And then let the pages settle down and lay open to a random passage
Then he read the verse out loud holding the Bible up to Mount Shasta
Back to the bus:
On the #57 AC Transit bus to the Black Bear Diner a teenage Asian-American princess girl
Looking hella ghetto and gangsta casually strolls on the bus w/out paying her fare
The bus driver shouts at her “You asking for a courtesy ride!? Better come talk to me!?”
She wiggles her fine ass back up to the front of the bus and gives the driver her sexiest smile
He buys her smile, and she walks to the back of the bus and holds court on her seat w/ her iPhone
Next door to the Black Bear Diner is Barnes & Noble where I take three pisses in the restroom
Between reading issues of Poetry, Zyzzyva, The Iowa Review, and The Paris Review
[ I only found one poem in all four magazines that I liked — It was about lemons ]
The wife goes to Uniqlo to look for a summer skirt
Fun fact: I used to work at Uniqlo
We also go to Marshalls, Banana Republic, Old Navy (“…he dresses like a lady”)
Where my wife buys me a pair of straight leg blue jeans w/ her Old Navy reward points
[ 38 waist 30 leg length ]
But not the throwback tee-shirt of rock star Beck
In the Old Navy dressing room, I find myself in the mirror fat and out of shape
W/ sagging man breasts and a bulging beer belly
It’s sad finding yourself in a mirror of a dressing room
My advice: “Don’t Look”
The other dressing rooms contain mirrors of the young, beautiful, and prettiest of them all
Like the girl who tried to strut on the bus for free, earlier
We also go to Ross (“cross dress for less”)
I take a photo of a Halloween decoration of a giant skull w/ eyes that light up
And post the photo on Instagram
It immediately gets a LIKE
So, I start to feel better after seeing my horrible self in the mirror on a holiday
The wife buys a Cookie Monster cookie jar for our niece in Japan
Then as we exit Ross a middle-aged African-American man mutters something
To me about my white boy dreads, which I ignore but I make eye contact w/ him
Scary fact: Recently a fellow passenger on my BART train
At the 12th Street Oakland stop threatened to scalp me
Back to the bus:
Leaving Emeryville on the #57 AC Transit bus w/ a yummy view of the Bay, Alcatraz,
The Golden Gate Bridge, the Bay Bridge, and Mount Tamalpais, as we bus back to
Our apartment in Oakland — I thought about writing this poem
Epilogue:
During the holiday afternoon, I wished our bus driver, the waitress at the Black Bear Diner, our cashier at Old Navy, the elder ladies standing in line w/ me at the bathroom in Barnes & Noble, et al.,
“Happy Fourth of July”
Everyone was an immigrant — and it felt like, AMERICA
[ W/ acknowledgment that the poem took place on Ohlone People ancestral territory ]
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