Reprehensible Representation

[from Joe T.’s Facebook page]

Joe T.: The Sardine just walked in, said hello to everyone, sat at the bar, ordered a rum and coke. Wal-terr is being very slow to get the drink.

Audrey Rose: Who’s this Sardine you’ve been writing about the last week?

Jackson Andrews: Joe already explained who he was.

Paul Peterson: I remember him mentioning it. The Sardine’s a moron.

Joe T.: Maybe you should unfollow me, Paul.

Audrey Rose: If he was important, I’d be following him on Facebook.

Joe T.: The Sardine’s not on Facebook or any other social media.

Paul Peterson: That’s why he’s a moron.

Wal-terr: Stick it, Joe. I’m getting his drink as fast as I can.

Jackson Andrews: How can you serve it and be posting at the same time?

Wal-terr: “Getting his drink as fast as I can” means finishing up my posts and tweets swiftly.

Joe T.: I asked the Sardine if he knew about the play being produced about my life.

Paul Peterson: You have a stinking play about your life. Did you write it? Is it on Broadway yet?

Audrey Rose: What’s the title?

Joe T.: “Joe Tragedy”. The Sardine finally got his drink.

Jackson Andrews: Is it true to your life?

Paul Peterson: It’s probably moronic.

Frank Weathers: Is the Sardine writing it?

Joe T.: You could ask him since he’s sitting next to you.

Audrey Rose: You must be thrilled, Joe.

Joe T: Frank Weathers is asking him something.

Paul Peterson: Could you ask the moronic Sardine for me why he would spend time writing a stupid play?

Frank Weathers: Apparently, I’m not in it.

Wal-terr: But did he write it?

Audrey Rose: Why don’t you ask him? You must only be a few feet away?

Paul Peterson: Joe hangs around with nothing but morons.

Joe T.: The Sardine knows the author and, apparently, my character is a very amiable guy.

Jackson Andrews: Will you get any royalties?

Joe T.: I don’t think so.

Audrey Rose: Did you give him the right to write about you? You could sue to get some money.

Wal-terr: I’m not in it either.

Joe T.: The Sardine said that the play is light years from earning a cent.

Frank Weathers: According to my twitter buddies, the play dwelt several times on Joe’s garbage disposal problem.

Audrey Rose: What was wrong?

Joe T.: It jammed up.

Wal-terr: Yeah, when Joe put dog crap in it.

Paul Peterson: That was moronic.

Jackson Andrews: I refuse to believe a person would do that.

Joe T.: I wasn’t thinking right at the time.

Wal-terr: His girlfriend had Joe babysit her dogs. They did some business on his carpet.

Audrey Rose: What were you thinking?

Paul Peterson: You should have mailed their business to your girlfriend.

Joe T.: Ex-girlfriend.

Frank Weathers: That was another thing they tweeted. Joe has more ex-girlfriends than George Clooney.

Wal-terr: But not as good looking.

Jackson Andrews: Either sue the Sardine or stop complaining.

Frank Weathers: You even have a brother in the play.

Joe T.: I don’t have a brother.

Audrey Rose: Are you sure?

Joe T.: Yes. Why would you ask that?

Audrey Rose: If it’s in the play, it has to be true.

Paul Peterson: What kind of moronic statement is that?

Joe T.: That’s not nice, talking to her like that.

Frank Weathers: Are you going to see the play?

Joe T.: No. Theater bores me.

[827 posts followed in the next half hour, then none after that]